Email Correspondence
$12.99
Six personalized email responses from Headquarters. We normally answer within two business days.
Introductory launch price. Customer replies do not count toward the six.
Begin by EmailYou write.
We write back.
A six-response, personalized correspondence adventure written by real people—warm, wonderfully odd, and built to give you something funny to look forward to.
Laughter guaranteed. Sense of direction not included.
How did we end up here?
You send us your story, situation, harmless chaos, or gift instructions.
Headquarters writes a personal response of up to 200 words.
You may write back, and the story continues for six replies from us within a 60-day adventure.
Choose your department
Real Mail
$19.99
The same six-response adventure through actual postal mail—paper, stamps, anticipation, the whole suspicious operation.
Introductory launch price. Availability and international postage are confirmed before purchase.
Begin with Real MailGive the Weirdness
Same price
Both experiences can be given as gifts with no gift surcharge. You provide the recipient details, occasion, language, and message.
For children, a parent or legal guardian must purchase or give permission.
Ask About GiftsThe important fine print
We laugh with you—not at you. No cruelty, humiliation, discriminatory abuse, harassment, threats, stalking, sexual content directed at Headquarters, or attempts to obtain private information.
This is humorous correspondence—not therapy, counseling, medical, legal, financial, or crisis support. If you are in immediate danger or crisis, contact local emergency or crisis services.
Each adventure includes six personalized Headquarters responses within a 60-day lifecycle. Headquarters-caused delays extend the customer deadline. Safety violations may pause or end an order.
Cancellation & refunds
Florida customers may request a full refund within the first three business days after purchase. After that period, a full refund remains available until the first personalized response is sent. Once both the three-business-day period has passed and the first response has been sent, ordinary cancellations are nonrefundable. Duplicate charges and service failures are corrected. If delayed Real Mail changes to email, the unused portion of the $7 mail premium is refunded proportionally. Full policy details are provided at checkout and in the order confirmation.